Posted by: Deanna | May 6, 2009

Broken Hearts and Ignorance

Mary and Breanna have been friends pretty much since we moved here to Savannah. They have fun together even though their interests vary in a lot of ways. Both girls were so excited about living close to each other when we moved over to this side of town.

But things started changing.

Breanna has had a hard life. I won’t go into detail, it’s not for public blogging.

Monday, though, when Mary came home hurt and upset, I couldn’t just smooth things over, I had to go have a talk with Breanna. I sat down with her and her Grandma about the lies I’ve witnessed and the way Breanna ‘makes excuses’ when she doesn’t want to be with Mary. Mary would prefer her to just say, “No, I don’t want to do that. I think I’ll just do this.” Instead she makes up reasons that Mary clearly sees through and does not understand. It hurts her feelings. It confuses her.

I talked to Breanna, gently explaining how Mary was hurt and wanted to know if there was something going on that I didn’t know about. Had Mary done something? Were there hurt feelings on both sides? She wasn’t interested in talking. She’s already mastered the ‘teen’ face, shutting down, not communicating. Nothing. So I just told her that I wasn’t there to cause her trouble, she had every right to be upset, but if she didn’t have anything to say I could only assume that we did catch her in the lies and she was not going to offer up any reasons. She left the table and went to her room.

Her grandma and I sat and talked for a while discussing a whole host of subjects. I heard Breanna’s door open, but she didn’t come out. She stayed in there and listened to the conversation.

It wasn’t long before her father came storming in the house, cussing and screaming at me, apparently outraged by what he’d heard from Breanna. Bits and pieces of our conversation would spew out of his mouth between swearing  at me at the top of his lungs.

I tried to get him to calm down. I told him I would gladly tell him what we talked about if he would just SHUT UP a minute. It took much longer than a minute for him to finally shut up.

I told him that I have witnessed over the last few months just how much Breanna manipulates all the adults in the house and told him that I’d come to talk to her about the lies I have personally witnessed. He wasn’t interested in that. He couldn’t see that Breanna had manipulated the situation by calling him, pissing him off by telling him things completely out of context. She walked in the room while he was screaming at me, pulled something out of the freezer and was standing by the microwave actually grinning. Enjoying the fact he was cussing me out.

I tried to stay calm, but he opened the door. He started running me down and Bill down. He was lucky he didn’t bring up Mary. He wanted to know what I thought. I told him.

He’s an alcoholic. He drinks a LOT. Not my business? When my daughter is at his house it most certainly IS my business. Bonnie, Breanna’s grandma, and I have kept a close eye on things when Mary is over there.

So now he goes on his rampage about alcohol, dragging his mother into the arguement and tries to justify his drinking. Not going to work with me.

It did not end well. I left. Apologising to Bonnie, I left.

I came home and broke the news to Mary. She was not to go over there AT ALL.

By now I’m in tears. I went over to talk to Breanna and try and figure out if there was a problem between her and Mary and came home to tell Mary she could no longer go over to her house.

Bonnie and I talked yesterday morning at our weekly coffee outting. She and I are good. She’s done trying to ‘fix’ her son and his troubles. She’s going home to Ohio. Her daughters will be so happy!

After school I asked Mary if everything went alright and she said that Breanna was in her face a little, but nothing too serious. Her voice broke. She was close to tears. I know her heart is breaking. Mary doesn’t understand stupid people any more than I do. Mary doesn’t understand how many broken homes there are. She doesn’t know all the details behind why Breanna’s home is broken. Mom’s not in the picture. Mary doesn’t understand why all the kids she knows don’t live with both their mom and dad.

I never thought having a stable home would be a problem. I used to think that she got the short end of the stick because her parents are older than most of the kids parents here. I didn’t think staying married to Bill for 21 years would set Mary apart from her peers.

Guess I was wrong.

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